You can ignore the elephant in the room for as long as you want, but eventually the thing is going to poop in the floor.
Yes, I’ve been practicing that ostrich in the sand technique for long enough now that the reality has caught up to me and I have to deal with the consequences. What is it in my make-up that thinks if I ignore something long enough it’ll just go away?
I absolutely know that isn’t how life works.
Deal with, don’t dawdle on it.
That’s what I counsel others with. Why can’t I apply that to my own circumstances?
I wish I had taken a “before” picture of my desk before I started the process of cleaning it earlier. I unburied the last two sets of sub-plans. They were from November. They were a good twelve inches or more under paper and books.
Mind you, the paper and books on top of them weren’t organized in any way, shape or fashion. Imagine a cascading HEAP of teacher stuff.
That was my work space.
It won’t be spotless for a sub tomorrow, but it won’t look like that.
The clutter on my desk was just a minute example of the things I’ve been hiding from…hoping they’d disappear…magically be taken care of with no effort from myself.
Sometimes we get overwhelmed, and we just don’t know where to start or what to do, so we do nothing.
That’s where I’ve been for the past year. In the land of overwhelming nothingness.
I can’t even feel successful in the start, so I sit and do nothing.
Now, if you know me at all (or read my musings and “know” me through them) you know I’m a Christian and have faith, hope, and love. You are correct.
My faith does keep me going even on the lowest of days, however, it doesn’t spare me from emotions or the motions of life. My relationship with Christ also doesn’t exempt me from the consequences of my sin here on this earth.
And that’s where I’ve really been dwelling lately.
I am a sinner. Unfortunately, even after salvation I continue to sin. It’s the nature of my flesh. My spirit is willing, but my flesh is weak.
I recognize my sin. I acknowledge it. And I sit on and accept the consequences because I deserve them.
I did the crime, now I’ll serve the time.
I don’t expect God to bail me out. I don’t even expect His help. I made the mess.
Do you see it?
I’m pronouncing judgment on myself. I’ve decided that I’ve messed up so bad that I’m not worthy of God’s grace, of God’s mercy, of God’s love.
God can’t love me because I am too bad of a sinner.
But wait. Let’s look at the verse I shared above…in context.
I have been justified freely by His grace.
Who am I to keep punishing myself? To withhold forgiveness from myself?
I need to confess it, turn from it, and let God move it as far as the east is from the west.
God loves me in spite of my failures. He forgives my sin as soon as I ask for it. Now, I have to learn to let it go.